Getting My Chinese On - China, Part 2

October 11, 2013

Before we left home, a friend of a friend told us she'd been to China two years earlier. "I hated it," she said. "All we ate was Chinese food. And you can't even read the signs!" If those were her biggest surprises I am in good shape. I kind of expected to be illiterate and eat Chinese food in China.

 

I speak more Spanish than Cantonese, which isn't saying much, if you've ever heard me try to speak Spanish. I don't know why I mentioned that anyway, because Cantonese is completely irrelevant in Beijing. We are learning some basic Mandarin phrases.
     "Tsao" Hello.
     "Nee hao ma?" How are you?
     "Shieh shieh" Thank you.
     "Ding ding hao" Very good. (Or "ding ding dong" depending on who your traveling companion is.)

But there are a few more phrases I need to learn soon:
     1) Vodka martini, please.
     2) I am allergic to peanuts.
     3) Please call an ambulance.

What CAN you do in this park?

In Tiananmen Square it's really easy to get lost in the crowd. I've read and seen pictures of the place, but I couldn't imagine how incredibly huge it is until I stood in the middle of it. Thousands of people filled the square. They come from all over China, and for many it's their first time in a big city. There is a lot of excitement and shouting and jostling around. Thank god we had our Whispers - little one-way radios that can pick up our guide's voice from pretty far away. I placed the Whisper in my inside jacket pocket, strung the baby blue earpiece up through the neck opening and positioned it in my ear. It's almost like being undercover, in a dorky, touristy kind of way.

Our local guide Vivian and her trusty fuah-fuah, herding cats in Tiananmen Square

 
I wandered around taking pictures of people taking pictures of people. There was so much going on I didn't think anyone noticed me. But, then the staring. One thing that is both fun and annoying about this culture is that it isn't considered rude to stare. Fun if you're doing the staring. Really annoying if you're the one being stared at, and I mean STARED at - unblinking, mouth open, body frozen except for the head rotating to keep watching as you pass by. The champion starers might even start to drool. (OK, I made that last part up.) If you think you can outstare a Chinese person, you are wrong.

D and Cathy taking a picture of Stan

Once we entered the Forbidden City, I got my first real sense of Beijing's ancient history. It was built in the 15th century by a million workers. A series of four security gates must be breached before reaching the Emperor's living quarters. Six layers of brick completely cover the surrounding area to prevent intruders from tunneling in. It housed 24 emperors until the last emperor was forced to abdicate in 1912.

You figure out quickly that there is no waiting for your turn in China. Lines are for sissies. I picked up valuable skills from shopping in Oakland Chinatown that came in handy in the Forbidden City. The Emperor's throne room was surrounded by a swarm of people packed about five deep in the doorways. I stood behind them searching for an opening, but every time a gap started to form, another body oozed in to fill it. So I channeled a little old Chinatown lady and wedged my elbow between two people in front of me. Then everything else followed in a wave as I edged myself in sideways. So now we know that hula also works as a contact sport.

Here we go. Elbows out...

And we're in!

Getting There - China, Part 1

October 8, 2013

Our Korean Airlines flight was all about the food. Kimchee! Bibimbap! Mystery sauce in a tube! My only worry was about the beautiful haughty flight attendant. When D asked for water between meal services, I feared that her icy stare would turn him to stone. We got our water, but after that I decided we'd be fine without it for the remaining 9 hours of the flight. Anything to avoid being looked at that way again.

Our flight had left late, leaving us with only a 30-minute connection in Seoul. Toward the end of the flight, we were moved from the cattle car to Business Class so we could get out faster and catch our connection. That last half hour was bliss, all stretched out in a recliner. The flight attendants made the rounds, bowing and thanking each passenger for his or her patronage. Everyone, that is, except for us peons from economy. But by that time I was too exhausted and comfortable to care.

When we finally stepped out of the Beijing airport, I thought there was a fire nearby. Then we realized it was the thick smell of cigarette smoke and smog. Even in the semi-darkness the air looked hazy. We'll spend 4 days in this city and I wouldn't be surprised if I developed asthma on the spot. Thank goodness our friend Stan is a doctor. He's touring with us and I sure hope he brought his prescription pad.

 

 

October 9, 2013

Frank, our guide, says our group has a lot more Yin than Yang: 13 women and 5 men. We'll be living closely together for two weeks,  and I find myself sizing up my comrades during the orientation. Which of these people will I get along with best? Who's up for an adventure? Who will be high maintenance? Mark introduces himself, and he refers to the empty chair next to him as his wife, "who will always be late." Uh-oh. Then Bob raises his hand and asks if we can get hepatitis from drinking the tap water. Oh dear. It is not looking good for Team Yang.

Four of the women are traveling together from Rhode Island, not all from the same town, but you can cross the entire state in 45 minutes so they might as well be. Patty and her friend Diane "No Relation To Justin" Bieber are from New Jersey, but absolutely not from Jersey Shore. They want us to be clear on that. Sue is 87 and is the mother of Mark's invisible wife, Jennifer. Thomasina was named after her father, Thomas. She is also married to Cautious Bob. She is soft-spoken but I suspect she has a lot of inner strength. Carol and Mary are educators from San Diego. I'm not exactly sure what Carol means by that, but I figure they're either school teachers or administrators. But definitely not nuns.

And then there are Stan and Cathy from North Carolina, who we met two years ago on a tour in Turkey. Stan is a doctor in a women's prison and for that reason alone I hope to never be one of his patients. Cathy is retired, recently took up golf, and has since hit three holes in one. They suggested out of the blue that we join them on this trip, so here we all are.

New Dog In Town

Buckley came to us from a friend of a friend. A well-meaning man had taken in a stray dog, and she helped him celebrate the 4th of July by delivering 11 puppies in his back yard. Each of the pups was adopted, one at a time, until we picked up the last one in late October. Meanwhile, Buckley had spent his first four months outside with other dogs, but he had no idea how to deal with people. Unfortunately, this critical piece of information was not disclosed to us.

The night we brought him home, we couldn't coax Buckley out of the car. He curled up in the back of the cargo compartment and refused to move. So we left him in the garage overnight with the door open to the kitchen so he could wander in when he was ready. In the morning we found him still huddled in the car. I didn't realize at the time that that first night was a perfect example of Buckley's approach to everything.

This is the earliest picture of Buckley.

I love that it's jittery, just like him.

We eventually gave up and carried Buckley into the house. He soon became occupied with sniffing around, but he kept his tail tightly tucked while his eyes darted nervously. I thought he'd be most comfortable if I pretended not to notice him, so I proceeded to empty the dishwasher. At the first "clink" of a fork into the kitchen drawer, Buckley shot like a bullet across the room and under the dinner table, where he stayed for an hour. Oh, we had a very long road ahead of us.

It didn't take long to figure out that Buckley was happiest in the yard. It was the closest thing to home for him, and he spent hours sleeping in the grass, rolling in the dirt, and chewing on toys. So our bonding that first week began outside where we played together and got to know each other. Soon I started taking him to the office with me, where he slept under my desk, safe at my feet. We were inseparable, but he just couldn't bring himself to venture out and face more people.

Between the mandarin harvest and his usual full-time job, D was in the orchard or out of town nearly every day during those first few months with Buckley. When D did come home, Buckley immediately dove for shelter under the table. It must have been extremely frustrating for D, but he let Buckley be, figuring the poor pup would come around sooner or later. As it turns out, it was later. Much later.

New Year - The Sequel

One of the perks of being Asian-American is having two new years to celebrate. The first involves partying with friends, drinking champagne, and making a lot of noise at midnight. The second involves eating with relatives, eating with more relatives, and making a lot of noise for two weeks straight. The latter doesn’t always go over well with the crowd who celebrates only the former. Who we eat with doesn’t seem to bother anyone, but explosives in the streets tend to make folks jumpy. While the Asians run outside to see where the party is, our neighbors lock their doors, drop to the floor and take cover. It’s a weird culture clash. But we’ve been living together like this for nearly 200 years. You’d think we’d all be used to it by now.


The Chinese have so many superstitions that chances are you’ll eventually do something to ruin your life. Here are a few that relate to the New Year:


- On New Year’s Day don't sweep the floors (good luck will be swept away) or wash your hair (good luck will be washed away) or use knives (good luck will be cut away)… you get the picture. So take care of all your housecleaning, personal grooming, and food prep on New Year’s Eve, or you’ll be SOL all year.

- The color red will bring you luck. If you notice that many of your Silicon Valley colleagues are dressed in red around this time of year and you’re not, don’t worry, you didn’t miss a memo. On the other hand, white is associated with death. So with all those brides traipsing around in white wedding gowns, it's no wonder that half the marriages in this country are doomed.


- Any bad behavior you exhibit on New Year’s Day will haunt you all year long. Or until you die, whichever comes first. Chinese parents are especially fond of this one, as it gives them free license to torment their children. “Don’t eat sweets today, or you’ll eat so much all year that your teeth will fall out.” “Don’t be lazy today, or you’ll end up a helpless lump on the floor.” “Don’t talk back to me today, or I’ll wring your little neck.” Those little old ladies in Chinatown may look perfectly harmless, but they can mess with your mind like nobody’s business.


Every Lunar New Year married people give red envelopes filled with money to children and unmarried people. I don’t know who started this tradition, but he must have been a bachelor. Unmarried domestic partners have been playing the system for years. I’m pretty sure all those red envelopes are funding their retirement. I'm willing to bet that married Chinese couples retire later and in more poverty than unmarried couples. I think I’m onto something here.


2012 is the Year of the Dragon. Brace yourself for a year of excitement, intensity, and unpredictability. Not to mention the Mayan Armageddon. I’m not sure I can handle all that drama. I’ll just lay low and wear a lot of red until it all blows over.

New Year

Every New Year’s Eve we gather with friends at Sam and Laurel’s house in Point Reyes Station. D and I cram the car with a ridiculous amount of food and clothing and then toss in the dog and his bed. We spend the first two hours on monotonous multi-lane highways, but as we approach the coastline and begin cruising along winding roads through the redwoods, the weight of the harvest lifts from my shoulders. Whatever’s waiting back home at the orchard can continue to wait. The sky is clearer. The air is crisper. Radio programs are reduced to static and my cell phone signal takes a slow-motion dive. Three… two… one… and finally, No Service. This is a good thing for a change.


The car door opens and the dog explodes from the cargo compartment. This is a familiar and happy place for him, too. From the driveway we step into the backyard, where we’ve seen songbirds, quail, deer, and even a bobcat. Redtail hawks and eagles perch in the grove of trees close by. To top it off, the grounds offer a front row seat to a spectacular overlook of the marshy headwaters of Tomales Bay.

By 1:00 the table was spread with appetizers, oysters were ready for shucking, and the wine was flowing. At that rate I could slip into a food coma well before dinnertime rolled around. But with my comrades as inspiration, I carried on like a good soldier. The group is an interesting and well-traveled one, and it’s never short on good stories. We’ve heard tales of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, meeting with Manuel Noriega, building an ice rink in Washington DC, leading tours in Australia, tracking rhinos in Kenya, living in a commune, living in a kibbutz, living under Fidel Castro’s rule. Before you know it, you’ve chatted and listened and eaten your way through the afternoon, and then it’s time for another meal.

After a hearty dinner that rounded me up, literally, to 3000 calories since breakfast, we toasted each other at the stroke of midnight. Midnight in New York, that is. We wanted the option of retiring early without embarrassing anyone. But Lydia, bless her heart, pumped up the Latin dance tunes and we salsad and merengued ourselves right into 2012 Pacific Standard Time. And I'm so glad we were able to ring in another year together. 

Happy new year, everyone.